YAY!

And...mixed feelings.

Let’s not bury the lede here: This week, I had my second round of scans since starting chemotherapy treatment in June for my stage IV breast cancer diagnosis. And the scans look great.

The chemo is working really well. The cancer has continued to shrink. It has not spread.

I should be absolutely ecstatic, right? And in most ways, I absolutely am. This news is as close as it gets to a Best Case Scenario. (That would’ve been total No Evidence of Disease, and that seems within reach.) These results have given me so much hope, which I haven’t felt in a long time. For fleeting moments this week, I could see a future for myself in which cancer isn’t all-consuming. So don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled.

But when I was talking to Cousin Jackie about the early scan reads, I couldn’t quite get myself to be at the Totally Psyched level my loved ones arrived at immediately. Why?

“Because it changes nothing,” Jackie said.

And that’s what it is.

I got good, great, wonderful news. Life-changing news! Almost Best Case Scenario news!

But I still have to go back up to Dartmouth on Tuesday for chemotherapy.

And I’ll do it again three weeks after that. And three weeks after that. And three weeks after that, for years. I’m on a long-term chemo regimen, and I’m eight rounds in, and it has been tough. I appreciate chemo, and I hate chemo.

I wish these scan results meant that I could take a break from chemo. Or that I could have definite answers or a plan, like, “OK, we’ll do six more rounds and then you’ll be done with chemo.”

I get why that’s not the case. Conceptually, I understand it, I do. I know the plan. The plan, as of now, isn’t going to change. I asked my oncologist about this very early on: If I get good scan results, does that mean we get to shorten the chemo plan? And she explained why, at least for a full year, we won’t deviate. So I knew that going in. I just want a break from it.

I’ll be honest (in case I didn’t do too much of that last week): I feel like a total ungrateful asshole (sorry) for feeling this way. I should be objectively giddy! I should be thrilled! And I swear, I am. But I have other feelings, too.

It reminds me a bit of how I felt after I rang the bell in September 2024. I had survived two surgeries, four rounds of chemotherapy, and a year of immunotherapy treatment. I got to ring the bell. I was closing a very big, emotional, challenging chapter — in a Choose Your Own Adventure book without a defined ending. Everyone was so happy for me. It was a big celebration.

And yet, when I got home that night, I cried harder than I had in months. (Some of those tears were non-cancer-related. It was a tough time in life. But still.)

I’m learning that living with cancer means I rarely actually feel how I expect to feel. There’s always so much to process and to try and make sense of.

I constantly harp on living with duality. Living with an ever-present “yes, and” mentality. So this is just another case of exactly that: of being so relieved and so happy, while also accepting that it doesn’t immediately change my treatment plan, and I knew that going into this, and it’s OK, and it kind of sucks. I worry that even when — I’m saying when, not if! — I get to a point of No Evidence of Disease, will I still have my oncologist’s initial prognosis on my mind constantly?

I feel the need to say again that I am so grateful. It’s almost unbelievable that this treatment has worked this well this fast. Science is amazing. Doctors are amazing. Cancer research is amazing. THIS IS WHY WE NEED TO KEEP FUNDING CANCER RESEARCH. (Would it be too aggressive to say F this administration and all that they are doing to eliminate literal life-saving research? Because as someone who is currently benefiting tremendously from cutting-edge research — the chemotherapy treatment I receive is brand new, and is clearly incredibly effective, and seems to be saving or at least prolonging my life — I am furious that any actual human would insist that cutting funding for medical research is a good decision. It’s inhumane. It’s stupid. It’s infuriating. “Pro-life” my ass.)

(I am sure I just lost some subscribers because oh my god, Ali, don’t get political. But are you really going to argue with me that we should be cutting funding for life-saving cancer research? Present your case in the comments. Please. Tell me, a stage IV cancer patient, to my digital face, why we shouldn’t be pouring resources into life-saving measures. Explain to me how that’s a good decision that has a positive impact on our country. Tell me how that makes our country great. Tell me how it makes us healthy. Tell me what it makes better. I am ranting, and I’m also asking.)

OK, trying not to pull a hamstring while I hop off my big ol’ soapbox here!

I got great news this week. And after some really low weeks, it has felt so nice to enjoy some highs.

Last week was a big dance week for Annie: a rehearsal, a dress rehearsal, and three holiday show performances. She got to dance “on the big stage” a total of 10 times. She loved it, and I loved getting a literal front-row seat to her joy. The week included a ton of time with friends for both of us. We even had a Secret Santa PJ party for the dancers in between the two Saturday performances. It was one of the best weeks in recent memory, and I savored every second.

In so many ways, the week brought me back to life. It came at a time when the hardest chemo days were behind me, and I was entering my sweet spot between treatments. So that helped. I felt well.

It helped to be with friends so much.

It helped to watch Annie doing something she loves.

It helped to bask in the sweet holiday moments, like Annie waking up every morning bursting with excitement over getting to find Addy, her elf.

Time doesn’t always heal, but it often helps. I was in a really hard period, and that feels behind me for now. There will be more. There always are. But I feel like I have put some recent tough stuff in the rear view, and now I get to enjoy some good.

This week, the good has been plentiful.

I got back on the run for the first time in weeks. I squeezed in 3.1 miles before heading up to Dartmouth on Tuesday. It was the coldest day of the season so far, and I was in a major “cold never bothered me anyway” mood. I was just so happy to be out there. It felt great.

My friend Sara joined me for the long Dartmouth day, and having a buddy made it all better. (I had insisted that I was fine going alone, and then the night before my scans, during my dinnertime FaceTime with Conor, I admitted that I kind of wished I had asked someone to come with me. Within minutes, I got a text from Sara asking what time she should be at my house the next morning for the drive up to Lebanon. It’s my understanding that Conor, while still on our call, pinged the Friend Group asking if anyone local was available. Unsurprisingly, they made it happen.)

Scan days are long, but this one had many pockets of joy. There was a holiday concert in the lobby. Santa was making the rounds. I reunited with a college friend for the first time in 18 years. Three of my girlfriends surprised me by picking me up and taking me out for Girls Night.

Later in the week, I went to yoga with a friend. I got a much-needed pedicure with another friend.

And, ultimately, I got good news. Really good news.

(Thank you for celebrating with me. I felt so supported heading into Scan Day, and appreciated the overwhelming amount of kindness coming my way when I shared the results. This community is unparalleled.)

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This week on the Ali on the Run Show:

• Jenny Grimshaw, 2:32 Marathoner: I am a Jenny super fan. I was absolutely giddy over Jenny’s four-minute personal best and Olympic Trials qualifying 2:32:50 at the California International Marathon last weekend, and loved getting her race recap on the Ali on the Run Show this week. I especially loved everything Jenny had to say about the importance and joy of adult female friendships. Co-sign!

Supporting:

• Cousin Jackie, as she trains for the 2026 Boston Marathon as part of the Dana-Farber Marathon Challenge team. I, unsurprisingly, cried when I read what she shared on her fundraising page. So many of you have already supported our collective cousin, which is just incredible. Thank you. Should you feel so inclined, her fundraising page is here.

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SPONSOR SHOUT OUTS

I am so grateful for the wonderful brands and partners I get to work with on the Ali on the Run Show. Supporting them = supporting me!

• Shokz: Click here and use code ALI for $10 off your next purchase.

• Lagoon: Click here to get my favorite pillows (I sleep on the Otter every night), and use code ALI for 15% off.

• The Eugene Marathon & Half Marathon: Click here and use code ONTHERUN for $10 off your registration. I love these races, taking place April 26, 2026.

• New Balance: Click here to shop New Balance’s latest releases for the season.

• Vuori: Click here for 20% off your first Vuori purchase.

• Oofos: Click here to make your feet happy!

And so…

Take good care of yourselves. Take good care of each other. Be the good.

(You’ve got this. You’re doing great.)

Love,

Ali