I very much relate to everything you said and I too am SO hard on myself. Whenever I don’t do something right specifically with my job I dwell on it for days. Last night I had a moment introducing myself to one of the new senior leaders on our team and feeling like an idiot for not recognizing him even tho I had only seen him speak on computer screen and stage. This morning still feeling the shame.
But will tell you what people always tell me - no one is going to die because of the mistake. Also some thing it took me some time to learn - people
who care, once we’ve made a mistake we won’t make it again, failure is the best tool for learning. Sounds super cliche and annoying I know but something I remind myself often and helps.
Like you said, we all start as beginners, everyone had their day 1 doing the exact same thing. If you listened to Nobody Asked Us Des and Kara shared their stories of when they first started race announcing and had similar stories. And let’s face it even the pros make mistakes, there’s no such thing as perfect just progress.
Ok and done with my cheesy/trying to lift you up/what started as me wanting to thank you for being so relatable rant.
I need the quote "Turns out, I mostly like being good at things" on my office wall (home office and real office). Seriously, I describe myself as a toxic perfectionist, because I will spend so much time mentally reviewing mistakes and beating myself up. That being said, I recently joined CrossFit. I am TERRIBLE at it. Jumping rope-haven't done it such sixth grade. Jumping up on boxes-my feet just won't connect with my mind to make the jump so I stand in front of the box like it is some kind of weird little god willing my legs to move. But I love it. I keep going back. It is my 3 hours a week that I am free to just suck at something. Okay, I don't love it all the time (hello the day we did 100 burpees). I am giving myself permission to make little improvements (which are celebrated by ringing a bell) and letting go of the rest.
About 6 months ago, I started taking tennis lessons. I’m not very athletic and to make it even more frustrating, my husband is very good at tennis and has been playing since he was young. But I am keeping at it, because if nothing else I’m setting an example for my 6 yo that we have to keep trying even if it’s not easy. But also, while I’m busting my a$$ trying to be the best at home and work, it’s nice to have something that just doesn’t mean that much.
I have a long list of things that I want to try but that I know I won’t be good at. A lot of creative endeavors actually. I blame high school art for turning me *off* of art actually. Because as hard as I tried I always, always got a B+ (my only B+) which kept me off high honors. So anyway...that thing you mentioned about always wanting to be the best? Yeah I get that haha. But this might just be my push to actually pick up a paintbrush and swirl it around. By myself. In my apartment. It has to be a solo thing because if I’m starting something new with someone else and they’re better than me, that’s it, I’m instantly discouraged. (I’m a monster too haha)
I am going to echo Rachel S.'s comment here "I find so much of your writing relatable, but wow this one takes the cake." Seriously felt like you were reading my mind. I don't have anything that I'm already doing but this has me thinking what could I pursue just for fun? Hmmmmm...
Loved this post! I took a pottery class earlier this year for the same reason. And if you find the person who can come over and help you figure out how to curl your hair, can you please also send them to my house?
I signed up for this newsletter on a whim as I was signing up for another running-related newsletter. I had heard about your newsletter through "Fast Women", but not much else.
I'm glad I signed up now, because this "being ok with being a beginner" hit me so hard that I am saying "holy shit, how does she know me?"
I grew up being fearful of making mistakes, as I had parents who would dwell on the one thing done wrong or incomplete rather than the 95% other items that I had done right or completed AND classmates who would tease the hell out of me if they ever did better than me in anything at school. I'm now a mom of three and trying to find my own little sense of individual space outside of work and motherhood, but afraid of failing at what little free time I do have.
I need to share this with my sister. She's like me, but more Type A, but she'll get it.
I find so much of your writing relatable, but wow this one takes the cake. I recently moved overseas and not being able to communicate perfectly and feel like the same excellent adult I was in the US is brutal. Even though everyone tells me I’m totally understood and doing just fine .. (of course just fine is not what I typically go for). I think this will finally break me of my perfectionist habit!
Your newsletter spoke to me so much and I’m actively working on bringing more “play” into my life to balance out my tendency towards perfectionism. So far I play the NYT Mini Crossword with my husband everyday. Also learning French on Duolingo…never gonna nail that accent but whatever. Good luck and excited to hear if you pick up something new!
Oh my gosh duolingo! My husband and I went on vacation to Germany a couple of years ago and I tried doing German on duolingo to get ready and everything came out with a Spanish accent. Guess that college Spanish really stuck with me 😂
Haha! Very funny! But good on you for learning German. I live in Berlin, Germany and many expats here don’t bother learning the language beyond the basics and honestly I get it. It’s a tough language to learn! I hope you enjoyed Germany!
Ali, I’m so glad you have a newsletter now. You’re so genuine and YES, the feeling of wanting to be good at things IS universal. (At least, I think it is!)
I get inside my head with golf. I want to be good at it, because my husband and kids enjoy and I think it would be a fun family activity. But-we golf at a place with a lot of skilled golfers, so if I’m on the range I feel like EVERYONE IS LOOKING AND JUDGING. (No one is looking. No one is judging). Ha!
Oh my gosh, Ali - the makeup, hair, stylist - was like reading my own inner dialogue out loud 🤣 although I’ve been running for 11 years, I’m allowing myself to be a beginner at running again - I’ve gone back to all the basics that let’s be honest I was convinced I didn’t need to do - it’s very humbling and so, so good at the same time!!
I've been learning the ukulele for the last 6 months. It's really stretching my brain and it's so good for me.
I very much relate to everything you said and I too am SO hard on myself. Whenever I don’t do something right specifically with my job I dwell on it for days. Last night I had a moment introducing myself to one of the new senior leaders on our team and feeling like an idiot for not recognizing him even tho I had only seen him speak on computer screen and stage. This morning still feeling the shame.
But will tell you what people always tell me - no one is going to die because of the mistake. Also some thing it took me some time to learn - people
who care, once we’ve made a mistake we won’t make it again, failure is the best tool for learning. Sounds super cliche and annoying I know but something I remind myself often and helps.
Like you said, we all start as beginners, everyone had their day 1 doing the exact same thing. If you listened to Nobody Asked Us Des and Kara shared their stories of when they first started race announcing and had similar stories. And let’s face it even the pros make mistakes, there’s no such thing as perfect just progress.
Ok and done with my cheesy/trying to lift you up/what started as me wanting to thank you for being so relatable rant.
Ali! I love this. I totally relate to it, as I think many people will.
I need the quote "Turns out, I mostly like being good at things" on my office wall (home office and real office). Seriously, I describe myself as a toxic perfectionist, because I will spend so much time mentally reviewing mistakes and beating myself up. That being said, I recently joined CrossFit. I am TERRIBLE at it. Jumping rope-haven't done it such sixth grade. Jumping up on boxes-my feet just won't connect with my mind to make the jump so I stand in front of the box like it is some kind of weird little god willing my legs to move. But I love it. I keep going back. It is my 3 hours a week that I am free to just suck at something. Okay, I don't love it all the time (hello the day we did 100 burpees). I am giving myself permission to make little improvements (which are celebrated by ringing a bell) and letting go of the rest.
Girl, I’ve GOT YOU on hair and makeup.
Signed,
Waist long naturally frizzy red hair and makeup enthusiast Minnesotan, Ashley Crowe
Can I come too?!
About 6 months ago, I started taking tennis lessons. I’m not very athletic and to make it even more frustrating, my husband is very good at tennis and has been playing since he was young. But I am keeping at it, because if nothing else I’m setting an example for my 6 yo that we have to keep trying even if it’s not easy. But also, while I’m busting my a$$ trying to be the best at home and work, it’s nice to have something that just doesn’t mean that much.
Oh boy, I relate so much.
I have a long list of things that I want to try but that I know I won’t be good at. A lot of creative endeavors actually. I blame high school art for turning me *off* of art actually. Because as hard as I tried I always, always got a B+ (my only B+) which kept me off high honors. So anyway...that thing you mentioned about always wanting to be the best? Yeah I get that haha. But this might just be my push to actually pick up a paintbrush and swirl it around. By myself. In my apartment. It has to be a solo thing because if I’m starting something new with someone else and they’re better than me, that’s it, I’m instantly discouraged. (I’m a monster too haha)
PS I also want to outsource (I mean learn) every aspect of making myself look put together!
I am so with you on the hair, makeup and 2000’s choreography dance class.
I am going to echo Rachel S.'s comment here "I find so much of your writing relatable, but wow this one takes the cake." Seriously felt like you were reading my mind. I don't have anything that I'm already doing but this has me thinking what could I pursue just for fun? Hmmmmm...
Loved this post! I took a pottery class earlier this year for the same reason. And if you find the person who can come over and help you figure out how to curl your hair, can you please also send them to my house?
Oh Ali, I love this! Such a good reminder that no one is perfect at everything, nor should we even attempt that! Thank you for this!
And we are all doing great! No matter where we are in our life's journey ❤️
Wow.
I signed up for this newsletter on a whim as I was signing up for another running-related newsletter. I had heard about your newsletter through "Fast Women", but not much else.
I'm glad I signed up now, because this "being ok with being a beginner" hit me so hard that I am saying "holy shit, how does she know me?"
I grew up being fearful of making mistakes, as I had parents who would dwell on the one thing done wrong or incomplete rather than the 95% other items that I had done right or completed AND classmates who would tease the hell out of me if they ever did better than me in anything at school. I'm now a mom of three and trying to find my own little sense of individual space outside of work and motherhood, but afraid of failing at what little free time I do have.
I need to share this with my sister. She's like me, but more Type A, but she'll get it.
Thank you for writing this.
I find so much of your writing relatable, but wow this one takes the cake. I recently moved overseas and not being able to communicate perfectly and feel like the same excellent adult I was in the US is brutal. Even though everyone tells me I’m totally understood and doing just fine .. (of course just fine is not what I typically go for). I think this will finally break me of my perfectionist habit!
Your newsletter spoke to me so much and I’m actively working on bringing more “play” into my life to balance out my tendency towards perfectionism. So far I play the NYT Mini Crossword with my husband everyday. Also learning French on Duolingo…never gonna nail that accent but whatever. Good luck and excited to hear if you pick up something new!
Oh my gosh duolingo! My husband and I went on vacation to Germany a couple of years ago and I tried doing German on duolingo to get ready and everything came out with a Spanish accent. Guess that college Spanish really stuck with me 😂
Haha! Very funny! But good on you for learning German. I live in Berlin, Germany and many expats here don’t bother learning the language beyond the basics and honestly I get it. It’s a tough language to learn! I hope you enjoyed Germany!
Ali, I’m so glad you have a newsletter now. You’re so genuine and YES, the feeling of wanting to be good at things IS universal. (At least, I think it is!)
I get inside my head with golf. I want to be good at it, because my husband and kids enjoy and I think it would be a fun family activity. But-we golf at a place with a lot of skilled golfers, so if I’m on the range I feel like EVERYONE IS LOOKING AND JUDGING. (No one is looking. No one is judging). Ha!
Oh my gosh, Ali - the makeup, hair, stylist - was like reading my own inner dialogue out loud 🤣 although I’ve been running for 11 years, I’m allowing myself to be a beginner at running again - I’ve gone back to all the basics that let’s be honest I was convinced I didn’t need to do - it’s very humbling and so, so good at the same time!!