I don't know.

The newsletter that was supposed to be about all the good, great, wonderful things lately, but isn't that at all.

There was so much I was excited to share this week.

That I went on a much-needed vacation (we stayed at Atelier Playa Mujeres) with my friends Conor and Keira, and it was perfect.

That Annie, Ellie, and I enjoyed the most wonderful Christmas together. We celebrated on December 26th, and the date on the calendar truly did not matter.

That Chemo Round 9 has been my strongest round yet. The actual infusion day was smooth, and while I didn’t feel great in the days that followed (the bloating, puffiness, and nausea are pretty ruthless even in the “easiest” cycles), it’s been manageable, and for that I am so, so grateful.

That this week got me back on the slopes with the grand return of Ski Team and Annie’s school ski program. Getting to race with friends under the lights on Monday nights and then ski all day with Annie and her friends later in the week is such a good way to winter in New Hampshire.

That I recorded a podcast episode (out next week) with runner Hope Walz, and mid-recording, her dad popped into the room. Her dad: Tim Walz. (!!!)

And yet…

Like so many — hopefully most — I cannot stop thinking about Renee Nicole Good being murdered by an ICE agent in Minneapolis on Wednesday.

The horrific act of violence itself, and the aftermath.

There is nothing I feel I can add to the rampant discourse or better articulate that you haven’t seen, heard, or read elsewhere. I am so deeply disheartened by the division in our country right now, and by the current administration doubling down on its narrative around this event.

I cannot stop thinking about the six-year-old boy at school, who will never again get to go home to his mom.

I want to scream. I want to cry. (I have done the latter.) I want to shake people. I want so badly to understand.

People — some, not all, probably not even most — get angry when a running podcaster “gets political.” I get that. We all need an escape, and, in theory, a running podcast or Instagram account should get to be exactly that.

But my god, it’s hard to find anything that isn’t political these days. (And let me be clear: I don’t particularly want to talk about any of this, but it’s become increasingly hard not to. These are not normal times.) The systems are broken. The sides are so, so far apart. There is so much yelling into the void. Awful things keep happening, and nothing changes. Nothing gets better. Nothing is, from my vantage point, great again.

And I feel hopeless. When I can’t make sense of something, whether it’s a dance studio’s decision to attend only competitions where they know they’ll win instead of also taking their kids to opportunity-filled conventions (conventions are so good for the dancers!) (wow this was a specific example) or the way people are OK with a sitting president speaking to (and completely gaslighting) his country, I struggle. I have a really hard time when I just can’t understand, and there’s so much I can’t understand right now.

I just don’t get it.

I spent so much thoughtful time over the winter “break” thinking about what I could do to make 2026 meaningful for my family, myself, and my career. I felt optimistic. Excited, even!

Girlhood, on skis. <3

We’re just nine days into the new year, and I feel at a loss.

I’m over here dreaming about live shows and race weekends, and it’s so wild to exist in a reality where that stuff is fun and matters and…

Watching the fallout of two “sides” observing one event and seeing it so differently — it scares me.

I have so much I want to say, so many ways I want to use the platform that I have for good, and then I see others doing the same, and what does it accomplish? I don’t need to yell into an echo chamber (if you’re here, I think you know where I stand on most issues at this point, so it’s not about having something to prove), and frankly, I don’t want to deal with the influx of messages I know I’ll get arguing with me. (Productive conversation and genuine curiosity, both of which I welcome, are not the same as arguing.) I’m exhausted. Aren’t we all exhausted?

I thought a lot this week about how to show up online, which sounds frivolous, but I do take having this platform and this community very seriously. (I love you.) Is it worth reposting a New York Times article (I appreciated this one) so my followers know what side I’m on (and I really resent that there are sides at all, and that they are so far away from each other), only to have to deal with the inevitable other-siders who feel the need to announce their departure, oftentimes accompanied by something along the lines of “disappointed in you” or “stick to running” (as if I’ve ever just stuck to running) or much worse?

“Unfollowing you forever” is honestly amazing. But look at this insanely aggressive series of posts, in response to me simply posting a Zoom screenshot of Tim and Hope Walz. What does this accomplish?! (I’m not cropping out the person’s name, because I simply don’t care. But please don’t waste energy interacting with this person. Regardless of your beliefs, I can’t see how it’s worth it. When did people start acting this way??)

I think a lot about Annie growing up and someday asking what I did during these times. I’m surely not doing enough, I know that, but I feel stuck when it comes to figuring out what actually matters. What actually has an impact at this point?

I know I can keep putting good into the world as best I can. I can keep nurturing this community. I truly believe that the most impactful change starts at the most local levels.

I wish we would all stop yelling at each other through screens.

I wish our country felt more human.

I wish all of our elected leaders were doing more for humanity.

I wish I could’ve just told you about Mexico (it was warm and wonderful) and Christmas (cold and wonderful) and New Year’s Eve (pajama party) and Ski Team (freezing and fun).

But here we are.

Again.

Still.

(I would genuinely love to hear from you in the comments this week. How are you doing? Where are you at? What’s working for you right now?)

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This week on the Ali on the Run Show:

• The 2026 State of the Ali on the Run Show: A tradition like no other, kind of! It’s my annual episode where I reflect on the previous year and set some goals for the one ahead. Any feedback after listening? What do you want me to know?

Watching:

• Gotta be honest, I couldn’t get through Emily in Paris Season 5! I’ve loved this show since the beginning, but couldn’t get into the latest season. I’ll return to it at some point, but I jumped ship and instead embarked on a rewatch of one of my favorites, The Bold Type (available on HBO Max).

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SPONSOR SHOUT OUTS

I am so grateful for the wonderful brands and partners I get to work with on the Ali on the Run Show. Supporting them = supporting me!

• Shokz: Click here and use code ALI for $10 off your next purchase.

• Lagoon: Click here to get my favorite pillows (I sleep on the Otter every night), and use code ALI for 15% off.

• The Eugene Marathon & Half Marathon: Click here and use code ONTHERUN for $10 off your registration. I love these races, taking place April 26, 2026.

• New Balance: Click here to shop New Balance’s latest releases for the season.

• Oofos: Click here to make your feet happy!

And so…

Take good care of yourselves. Take good care of each other. Be the good.

(You’ve got this. You’re doing great.)

Love,

Ali