I Broke My Five-Year Meditation Streak
And nothing terrible happened!
A wet, windy, slippery Saturday run!
This week flew by.
This week was not easy.
This week was exhausting.
This week was productive.
This week was a lot of things.
This week was too many things!
Let’s try breaking it down by day and seeing how that feels…
LAST FRIDAY
My “Best Dance Friend” (I have always categorized my besties, which is a great way to have multiple “best” friends!) came up from Boston. She was here from 5:30 PM until 2:30 AM. We laughed for nine hours straight. We watched (and performed along to) old dance videos. We talked about real stuff and silly stuff and every sequined thing in between. It was so good for my heart. I went to bed way too late, but so, so happy.
Being completely engrossed in giggles until morning meant I broke my years-long meditation streak. When I realized it was after midnight and I hadn’t cued up my Peloton meditation, I was sad. For a second. I immediately took note of how little that mattered, and how content I was to have broken my streak on account of being present with one of my all-time favorite people.
Originally, this entire newsletter was going to be about breaking my meditation streak and being OK with it. Turns out, I can sum that up in a sentence. NBD. Let’s move on.
LAST WEEKEND
This was my first weekend being home and alone in…months? I needed it. Annie was with her dad and I had no plans except to tackle a massive to-do list. I ran 10 miles, which is the most I’ve run in a while. (Well, I ran 6.2 in driving rain and sleet, came home, thawed, did 20 minutes of Peloton strength, and then decided it’d be cool to hit 10 for the day, so I went back out for 3.8 more miles.)
I went out with friends, I went for long walks with Ellie and my Best Neighbor Friend, I went to Annie’s gymnastics class and watched her crush it on the beam and bars, and I worked a lot. I went to bed Sunday night with a clean house, a newly organized bathroom closet, and an office floor I can actually see. It felt really good.
Divorce sucks for a million reasons, and I have a hole in my heart whenever Annie isn’t here. That never goes away. And, I really do enjoy, value, and appreciate the downtime alone when I have it, especially heading into two very big and busy months. Most weekends without Annie are work weekends or travel weekends. It was nice to just be, to do whatever I wanted for 48 hours, and to just be in this very peaceful and loving home. There’s that duality.
MONDAY
[I’m already exhausted from this format.]
TUESDAY
Work work work work work, and Annie’s dance class, which is always a highlight of the week.
WEDNESDAY
I went to my first hot yoga class in years. If you’ve been around for a while, you know that hot yoga (Baptiste yoga, specifically, at Lyons Den Power Yoga in NYC) used to be at least 49% of my personality. I was obsessed, and went daily. I loved it. I love sweating. (Who has an OG I <3 Sweat shirt?!)
My Best Neighbor Friend has been trying to convince me to go to hot yoga with her for years, and I finally agreed. We went to a 7 AM class, and whoa. It’s so good to be back. (LOL I am so sore.) For as many ways as my body has changed since my LDPY days, and for as long as it’s been, those vinyasas really do come right back. Muscle memory is pretty amazing. I heard Bethany Lyons’s voice in my head the entire time. I felt amazing walking out of there, and I can’t wait to go back.
Later that day, I had a meeting with a major podcast network about a potential acquisition. Look at that big phrase! I’ve had similar meetings before, but this one was with a network you’d definitely know, and they approached me, and that alone felt cool. I don’t think our values and priorities fully align, so I’ll be staying independent (could be fun to talk more about this at some point?), but this was cool, interesting, and validating.
WHICH BRINGS US TO THURSDAY
Never not taking selfies in hospital waiting rooms…
Dartmouth day. I dropped Annie off at school and then drove straight to Lebanon, NH, for labs and my three-month visit with my oncology team. (I see my breast-specific medical oncologist every three months and my gynecological oncologist every six months.)
I got to visit a few of my favorite people in the cancer center (in their 1080s!), and my labs all look good. A little anemic, but that’s my Crohnsy normal.
I saw my beloved Dr. Becca. We talked Taylor, White Lotus, and a bit of cancer stuff. I have some cording from my implants, which is annoying but not a big deal.
And then I admitted to Dr. Becca that I have not been taking my Tamoxifen — a daily hormone pill that helps reduce the risk of recurrence. I started on Tamoxifen after finishing chemotherapy. I was dealing with a gnarly Crohn’s flare at the time, so we paused the Tamoxifen for a while to get the flare under control. (Tamoxifen can, in some patients, cause GI issues, among other side effects.)
At my last visit in December, with the Crohn’s starting to simmer, Dr. Becca told me to start the Tamoxifen again. “You can start on January 1,” she told me.
That date came and went.
Then February 1, March 1, and April 1. I just couldn’t get myself to take that pill, for several reasons.
“I’m not afraid of recurrence,” I insisted to her at my appointment.
(Ready for Dr. Becca’s much-needed tough love?)
“The fear of recurrence should be real for you,” she said, in a tone far different from the one she uses when we are speculating about when Rep TV is coming. “BRCA2 is crazy. And if it comes back, you’ll be here all the time. Do you want to see us every three weeks for the rest of your life? You’re doing this for Annie. You’re doing this for more time with her, and less time with us.”
Then I cried. Because all of this is a lot. It’s never not a lot. She told me to start on May 1. I asked if I could wait until after my birthday. She said fine.
And so I set a calendar reminder for May 7: TAMOXIFEN.
I ended the day at Annie’s dance rehearsal (big school show tomorrow — she’s in two dances!), and then went out to dinner with Annie, her Best Friend, and my Best Mom Friend From Annie’s Class. I worked until 10, pushed off writing this newsletter until today, and am about to hit send before heading to therapy with Martha!
Whew. Still with me?
This week on the Ali on the Run Show:
Everything You Need to Know About the 2025 Boston Marathon: With the exception of one segment (Des Linden’s course strategy, which is timeless), this is an entirely new, jam-packed, 2 hour and 50 minute episode. From getting in and getting to the start, to pro athlete previews and Boston must-dos, we cover a lot of ground in this one. I hope if you’re running Boston, especially for the first time, this puts you at ease (and doesn’t further overwhelm you!).
Laura Galeazzo, 2:49 Marathoner: Laura is so gritty. She works so hard for her goals (case in point: 10 PM treadmill runs after getting her two daughters to bed), and you could feel the love in Laura’s orbit when she ran 2:49 at the McKirdy Micro Marathon last weekend. A nine-year dream in the making, a five-minute personal best, and so many key takeaways from it all in this episode.
Listening to:
Griff, all day every day. Current favorites are “Tears for Fun” and “Black Hole.”
Watching:
Grand Slam Track kicks off today! Good luck to Kyle Merber and to all of the athletes (in the opposite order)! However you feel about the new league and new format, you cannot deny: People are talking about it, and the athletes involved seem super psyched. I’m eager to see it all finally unfold.
All I do is read White Lotus predictions and theories. The 90-minute Season 3 finale is this Sunday night, and while staying up late to watch won’t be a good decision, I can’t not. So, see you at 10:30 PM EST for a full dissection. Hopefully Chelsea doesn’t die, because she’s a sweet little angel, and hopefully those Ratliff kids can keep their hands to themselves. [Gags all over again.]
What would Jesse Solomon do? Get his toes sucked and then gaslight his brand-new girlfriend into thinking it’s NBD. Ew. (And Lindsay, such a shit-stirrer, my goodness.) Summer House is so meh this season, but has it ever been good? Probably not. Will I continue to watch? Obviously.
I tried to watch The Life List on Netflix, which is new and seemed right up Ali’s Alley. Cute young love and self-discovery and a sweet mother-daughter bond? Sign me up! But this was a DNF for me. For someone who swears cancer is now a “blip” and that it’s not something that dominates my brain anymore, those little triggers sure are sneaky. Call me crazy, but there’s something about a mom dying and leaving her daughter (and other children, but Connie Britton doesn’t seem to care as much about them in the first 15 minutes of the movie) behind that just… So yeah, didn’t finish this one. I may revisit, but right now it’s shelved right next to Apple Cider Vinegar and that holiday movie about getting Pentatonix tickets.
A movie I did genuinely enjoy? That Awkward Moment. Pretty sure it’s from 2014, so it’s nothing new, and I don’t know how this one ended up on my bedtime TV, but I didn’t hate falling asleep to Zac Efron, Miles Teller, and Michael B. Jordan. (Zac Efron = one of my top four celebrity crushes. The other three are Adam Brody, Glen Powell, and David Beckham.) It’s a movie about three bros in NYC making a pact to stay single. Spoiler: It’s a three-way fail. Not that kind of three-way.
Still not reading any books. Clearly. Broaden your horizons, babe. Dive into some fiction. The water’s probably warm.
SPONSOR SHOUT OUTS
I am so grateful for the wonderful brands and partners I get to work with on the Ali on the Run Show. You can always find the offers and discount codes in the show notes for each podcast episode (rate, review, and share while you’re there!). And now they’re here as well:
UCAN: Click here to get a FREE UCAN Edge sample pack (you’ll just pay the cost of shipping). Use code ALI for 20% off your next UCAN order.
Shokz: Click here and use code ALI for $10 off your next purchase. Code valid in the U.S. and Canada. (Check out the limited edition Boston Marathon OpenRun Pro2!)
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goodr: Click here and use code ALI for $5 off your next order.
Lagoon: Click here to take Lagoon’s 2-minute sleep quiz to see which pillow is right for you. Use code ALI at checkout for 15% off your next Lagoon order.
Vuori: Click here for 20% off your first Vuori purchase.
The AJC Peachtree Road Race: The Peachtree lottery returns, and it’s open now! Click here to throw your name in the ring for your chance to get to run Atlanta’s iconic 10K on the Fourth of July.
And so…
Take good care of yourselves. Take good care of each other. Take three deep breaths. OK, one more for good measure. And whatever you’re going through, keep going.
(You’ve got this. You’re doing great.)
Love,
Ali
Please take your Tamoxifen. It sucks. I know. I had to take it for 7 years. But it will keep you alive and as healthy as you can possibly be for Annie, for Ellie, for your family and friends, and for yourself. You deserve to live a long life of quality and vitality. Tamoxifen gives you the best chance for that kind of life 🩷
Anyone else like... "yeah I put (insert the thing post-chemo/-any other complicated, life-sucking disease out there) off until my doctor told me 'it's do or die.'"? Me too <3 You're doing great, even if it's hard to face the darker parts. But yeah, please take your meds. They wouldn't ask you to trudge through the side effects unless they thought it was worth it!