Greetings from Funky Town (Population: Me)

Subject lines are hard. I'm in a funk.

Seen on my run, sometime this week.

If there’s something all of my group texts and many of my favorite Instagram follows can agree on right now, I think it’s a collective, “WTF with this week?”

I have been in a funk.

On Tuesday, I had a call that didn’t go as I had hoped (but did go as I had anticipated it might), and from there, the day just spiraled away from me.

I couldn’t shake it.

By the time I crawled into bed 9.5 hours later, I knew I was in a pretty low state. Not in an urgent way, but in a very bummed-out way. A way that I know well, and that I know will pass, eventually.

Unfortunately, it’s not always something I can self-care my way out of.

I tried the things: the long, hot shower; the upbeat playlist, and then the sappy Taylor Swift one; reminding myself of my worth, my value, my contributions to the world; putting the phone away and snuggling with Annie. The last one is the biggest key. Annie will erase every worry and every ounce of heaviness I feel.

But after she went to bed, it was right back to those thoughts.

“Why am I doing any of this?”

“Why does this all feel so hard right now?”

“Why can’t anything go right right now?”

“I suck.”

Of course, just 48 hours later and I can answer all of those questions with level-headed clarity. I know my purpose, I know things won’t always be easy (and that’s OK!), and I know that even on my worst days, I don’t necessarily suck.

In the moment, I’m never quite down with a gratitude list. I know the point is to force it. Fake it until you make it! Focus on the good until the good is all that’s on your mind. Sure sure sure. I get it. I’ll buy into it. Fine.

It doesn’t always work, though! Sometimes, I need a good cry, a solid vent session, and a great therapist.

(Pro tip: If you’re already having a bad day, don’t go and read negative things about yourself on the internet! Don’t DO that! Alison Feller, you know better!)

So, today, a quick gratitude list, because things are still a little Funky in this Town, but not so funky that I can’t shake it off:

1. I had a call yesterday with the PR person representing someone on my longtime Ali on the Run Show Dream Guest list. And it sounds like it’s going to happen! Hint: She ran the New York City Marathon in 2022 and 2021. (And because she did, Secret Service was at the finish line with her parents…)

2. I had a call today with Kaitlin Goodman. Or should I say, Coach Kaitlin. I have a marathon coach! More on that to come.

3. I’m healthy, and running is feeling good. No pain, no issues.

4. Annie is healthy! (Parents of daycare kids, you know how lucky the healthy days feel, especially in the winter!)

5. My mom got me this cup and this cup for Christmas, and I’ve never been so hydrated. I’m obsessed. These cups have become my entire personality. My 10-year-old nephew saw them and said, “Auntie Ali has a vibe. It’s gold.”

This week on the Ali on the Run Show:

• Kristin McQueen, 24-Time Marathoner & 20-Time Ironman with Trigeminal Neuralgia (with Co-Host Keira D’Amato): Kristin was the winner of Keira D’Amato’s (two apostrophes? that can’t be right… copy editors, please advise) Instagram giveaway, and it was really special getting to have her on the show (co-hosted by Keira herself). It’s almost unfathomable, the pain Kristin lives with every day. But she hasn’t let trigeminal neuralgia take her love for running away from her. Pretty powerful stuff.

• Molly Seidel, On Returning to Racing in 2023: Speaking of “pretty powerful stuff.” You know her, you love her — Olympic Bronze Medalist Molly Seidel returned to the show to talk about what the past few years have been like for her. It’s a very honest look at life with an eating disorder, and about the nonlinear road to recovery. Molly also talked about her 2023 racing plans (she’s got a marathon on the calendar!), whether she ever wanted to be running’s unofficial spokesperson for mental health, and her love for Des Linden (relatable).

What I’m watching: I finally watched Top Gun! Brian and I went on a date last weekend: drinks, dinner, and then home to watch a movie. We watched Top Gun: Maverick a few weeks ago, and I went nuts for it. I loved it so much. I’m not usually an action movie girl (or a Tom Cruise girl; IDK, scientology…), but I enjoyed every single second of this one. I had never seen the first one, though. So we cued that up, and I loved it, and then we watched Maverick again. (I like Maverick better, but really liked Top Gun, too!) Sorry, were you hoping this section would include a recent, relevant recommendation? Nah.

What I’m listening to: Des and Kara, obviously. So fun!

What I’m wearing on the run:

• This vest. I swear by it! It’s so warm without being bulky.

• These leggings on mild days, these ones on brisk days, and these ones on the coldest days (pricey, but whoa, they are warm — and code ALINEW gets you $15 off).

• This base layer (and it’s on sale!), which has a soft, fleece-y lining.

And so…

Take good care of yourselves. Take good care of each other. Always keep a snow scraper in your car. And whatever you’re going through, keep going.

Love,

Ali